The Silent Cry

“I wanted to become free, I wanted to become clean, I wanted to become safe, I wanted to become lovable.” – Crystal, CSA Survivor

Only a few crimes could be darker and more horrifying than child sexual abuse (CSA). For most victims, the trauma tends to stretch throughout their lives, disguising itself in various fear-based mechanisms. Disturbing memories and associations with the abuse can be triggered by the most mundane things, latent in even the most gentle, innocent touch.

“As a survivor, one of the big frustrating things for me is the thought that we should just get over it, let it go, forgive and forget, and move on with our lives. That would be awesome, but it just doesn’t happen that way.” – I.T. O’Shaughnessy, CSA Survivor

   More often than not, victims have no conscious memory of them being abused. The mind’s defense system kicks in and suppresses the terrifying memories. However, this doesn’t solve the problem.  The suffocated traumatic memories, experiences and associations with it all, keep trying to come up to the surface – they need to breathe.  They don’t reveal themselves like ordinary memories, but in bits and pieces so the individual is left trying to comprehend them, failing to make all the pieces of the puzzle fall into place.

“Logic becomes a loud voice when the wall of our past abuse begins to crack with awareness. But that's our adult speaking. The child within, who had the experience, talks to us through flashes of insights. Trust your perceptions. They are a powerful guide in healing.” 
― Jeanne McElvaney, Advocate for survivors of CSA

  The abuser is generally a close relative or family friend who is perceived to be good with children – always keenly entertaining them with toys or just someone who wants to always be around innocent toddlers. There is enough awareness about how these abusers form strong relationships based on trust with their child-victims, before starting off with their terrifying ‘games’ of sexual abuse. They then threaten the child, manipulating him to keep quiet and not speak up about the abuse.

It is important to understand why a child keeps quiet, and why he continues to be afraid of speaking up even when he becomes an adult. It is because many children have been conned into feeling like they liked it, they wanted it and that they asked for it – especially since the abuser typically says that it’s a ‘game’ just between himself and the child, meant to be a special secret. The abusers play with guilt and shame – and are successful most of the time.

Having become an adult, he now thinks that nobody would believe him even if he dared to speak up. Most of the time, the abuser is a very close well-wisher or relative, and it’s hard to imagine that one would be taken seriously.

Thus it is imperative to lift the veil of taboo over CSA. The more awareness we generate around this, the better. It helps victims and survivors feel like their suffering is recognized; that their pain is heard and seen; that they have a system to support them; that they can use their voice and break their silence - so that they can courageously share their truth with the world for other survivors to know they aren’t alone.

“The very first part in healing is shattering the silence,” 

― Erin Merryn, CSA Survivor

Pallavi Dhote

pallavi.dhote@northpointindia.com

 PGP MarComm 2015-16